Oh gosh this has started something!
First it was all excitement of actually doing it, finding her, after all these years, and then spending yesterday on tenterhooks wondering whether she will want to follow up, and wondering what can of worms this will have opened up for her and how she will feel, and hoping against hope that I havent just blundered in and caused unhappiness for her. Somebody asked me whether I had slept at all that night after speaking to her. Which, funnily enough, I did!
But this morning I woke very early, on tenterhooks still, wondering what her journey is at this moment. She said she would like to reflect, and I have absolutely no idea where those reflections might lead her. She's my sister. We should have a shared history, shared memories, shared moments - happy or sad. We should have been there for each other over the years and we werent. Now, whatever we make of this, we can never have that shared history that binds siblings together.
And of course now its dawned on me that this is a journey for me too. I, too, am relecting on how a whole family has lived for 60 years with this gap in their lives. She without her father and all that would have brought for both of us - siblings, cousins, access to all that binds the people of a family together - weddings, funerals, Christmas cards, phone calls, just knowing somebody cares - and the choice to accept or reject this.
The sad thing is that the gap can never be filled.
But oh gosh I'm glad I did it.
First it was all excitement of actually doing it, finding her, after all these years, and then spending yesterday on tenterhooks wondering whether she will want to follow up, and wondering what can of worms this will have opened up for her and how she will feel, and hoping against hope that I havent just blundered in and caused unhappiness for her. Somebody asked me whether I had slept at all that night after speaking to her. Which, funnily enough, I did!
But this morning I woke very early, on tenterhooks still, wondering what her journey is at this moment. She said she would like to reflect, and I have absolutely no idea where those reflections might lead her. She's my sister. We should have a shared history, shared memories, shared moments - happy or sad. We should have been there for each other over the years and we werent. Now, whatever we make of this, we can never have that shared history that binds siblings together.
And of course now its dawned on me that this is a journey for me too. I, too, am relecting on how a whole family has lived for 60 years with this gap in their lives. She without her father and all that would have brought for both of us - siblings, cousins, access to all that binds the people of a family together - weddings, funerals, Christmas cards, phone calls, just knowing somebody cares - and the choice to accept or reject this.
The sad thing is that the gap can never be filled.
But oh gosh I'm glad I did it.
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